Every time I want a cigarette I read or think about this story.

On Monday (8/1/5) I received an e-mail from a close family friend who said his Mother (with whom I was even closer) was dying of cancer and said "Mom told me you promised to visit her before she died." I thought that would be 20 or 30 years from now.

Now going back one-and-half-years-ago when she was first diagnosed with lung cancer, I recall her going in for surgery and having the cancer removed. Every month from that point on she would go to the hospital to see if the cancer had returned. It never had. Or so they thought. Well, at least not into her lungs.

Two-weeks-ago while out with her family for "family night" in Northern California , she had what they thought was either a stroke or seizure. She was rushed to the hospital only to find out that what hit her was the cancer. The doctor said the reason they never saw the cancer back in her lungs was because it wasn't there. The cancer had gone into both her brain and stomach.

Well, I booked a flight for Monday ( 8/8/5 ) so I may see my ol' friend, fulfill a promise, and to be with the family during this crisis (per their request since they consider me to be part of their family). On Wednesday ( 8/3/5 ) I called to follow-up and see how she was doing. It was then I was informed that after they sent me the e-mail, their computer crashed and the only phone number they had for me was our land-line, which Elaine and I had disconnected. They told me that Hospice was called and they didn't expect her to last much longer, but couldn't give a date.

I rescheduled my flight for the next available flight and arrived there Thursday ( 8/4/5 ). I spent all day Thursday and Friday at the bedside of my friend who looked like a balding skeleton, hooked up to a breathing machine, and she couldn't open her eyes.

On Thursday as I sat bedside talking with her and reminiscing about the "good ol' times" she was able to communicate (not orally) only with a frown or smile. On Friday, she was completely incoherent. Comatose.

I'm really glad I called on Wednesday to see how she was doing. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have changed my flight for Thursday and I never would've fulfilled my promise of seeing her before she died. I couldn't…she died Friday night ( 8/5/5 ) at 9:30 P.M. She was only 57-years-old.

The reason I shared all of this with you is because it made me realize how horrible smoking can be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I've heard all the bad smoking stories before, too. But seeing it first hand scared the shit of out me. I spent two days looking at a shell of a woman. I spent two days watching her husband, children and grandchildren cry like little babies.

Sadly, you, like me, enjoy smoking very, very much! But after the past few days, it hit me! I do not want to put my wife and family though what my friend Edith had put her family through. I do not want Elaine to see me as a near-hairless skeleton on a breathing machine unable to communicate just because I wouldn't/couldn't stop smoking! But just as importantly, I do not want to see your family or anyone else looking at you as Lloyd did his wife, Edith.

I have accomplished many great things in life, especially if you consider my personal history. But to quit smoking will be my greatest accomplishment ever!

Edith, you are very loved and greatly missed.

-gbb